DISCLAIMER: This blog entry is meant for general education and discussion and should NOT be considered a substitute for the professional, tailor-fit opinion of your doctor or therapist–although people have common experiences, individual stories are unique.
Anyone looking for examples of controversial beliefs Filipino culture need look no further than https://www.reddit.com/r/panganaysupportgroup.
The belief is that certain children, usually the eldest ones a.k.a. panganays, are eventually responsible to provide financially for the rest of the family, including the parents.
If the chosen breadwinners refuse or are unable to provide for the family, then the parents may guilt trip or accuse them of selfishness and ingratitude. Sometimes, posters in the subreddit find it difficult to set financial boundaries and cope with the guilt tripping, hence they ask the subreddit for advice or similar experiences.
Should a client consult with me regarding a similar problem, I usually discuss with the client their options, solutions, and the respective consequences. Sometimes, if the client is unable to provide for their parents, then the parents’ disappointment may induce feelings of distress, rejection, or being unloved; on the other hand, if the client reluctantly provides for their families, then the client may feel overburdened or resentful. The client and I may explore compromises and workarounds, but I encourage the client to make the ultimate decision because it is they, not I, who have to live with the consequences.
How about you, what do you think of parents assigning their children as breadwinners of the family?
Niccolo Tiangco, RPsy, MSc 