Niccolo Tiangco, RPsy, MSc

Tag: therapy

  • FAQs Update: CBT vs. Thinking Positively

    I have added a new question to the FAQs page of my site. I’ll also post it here for vision:

    I tried CBT before and it felt like my therapist was gaslighting me. How is CBT different from just telling someone to think positively?

    It is true that thinking positively is one skill or component of CBT; however, the effectiveness of CBT also depends on the skill of the therapist and the relationship between yourself (client) and the therapist. A skilled CBT therapist can help you to challenge negative thinking without directly confronting the negative thoughts you experience and without necessarily debating yourself in a negative thinking spiral or rumination. Instead, your therapist can help you trace the origin of your negative thinking, connect it to your everyday thoughts, and help you to externalise and question your thinking patterns through constructive dialogue and everyday experiments designed to test your negative thinking.

  • Breadwinners, Expectations in Filipino Culture

    DISCLAIMER: This blog entry is meant for general education and discussion and should NOT be considered a substitute for the professional, tailor-fit opinion of your doctor or therapist–although people have common experiences, individual stories are unique.

    Anyone looking for examples of controversial beliefs Filipino culture need look no further than https://www.reddit.com/r/panganaysupportgroup.

    The belief is that certain children, usually the eldest ones a.k.a. panganays, are eventually responsible to provide financially for the rest of the family, including the parents.

    If the chosen breadwinners refuse or are unable to provide for the family, then the parents may guilt trip or accuse them of selfishness and ingratitude. Sometimes, posters in the subreddit find it difficult to set financial boundaries and cope with the guilt tripping, hence they ask the subreddit for advice or similar experiences.

    Should a client consult with me regarding a similar problem, I usually discuss with the client their options, solutions, and the respective consequences. Sometimes, if the client is unable to provide for their parents, then the parents’ disappointment may induce feelings of distress, rejection, or being unloved; on the other hand, if the client reluctantly provides for their families, then the client may feel overburdened or resentful. The client and I may explore compromises and workarounds, but I encourage the client to make the ultimate decision because it is they, not I, who have to live with the consequences.

    How about you, what do you think of parents assigning their children as breadwinners of the family?

  • Therapy is a Process

    Although it may be easy to feel elated after a cathartic therapy session, individuals young and old would do well to remember that therapy is a process.

    This statement is not to discourage any client but to contextualise the feeling of elation and to remain open to its opposite.

    Sometimes we feel or wish that the good feelings will last forever and that we are finally healed.

    But instead of thinking, “healed,” I encourage us to also consider ourselves, “healing.”

    Relapse and the recurrence of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings are part of the process.

    The goal of therapy is not to eliminate all negative thoughts and emotions but to learn to live and respond to them in healthy, constructive ways.